I firmly believe, that both men and women should be encouraged and empowered towards independence!
Consider this prevalent societal structure, passed down generations, without questioning...
-- Conditioning boys / men towards career and financial independence, and financial responsibility for their future family...what pressure!!!
-- Conditioning girls / women towards caring, nurturing, raising the family, not encouraging a career or financial independence and security!!!
Perhaps, this societal structure worked for the past generations, but, is it still relevant? Is it fullproof? Have we, on a personal level, given this a thought, for our own family, for the future of our children?
Suppose a woman (mother) dies when her children are young! Will the male parent be able to play the role of the nurturer, when his prime focus has always unconsciously been pushed in the direction of fulfilling financial and material needs, and giving and receiving emotional support is something he was not exposed to!
Suppose a man (husband) dies! Will the wife be able to manage the financial needs of her family, when her prime focus was towards caring and nurturing and home management!
Sudden Death! Extreme situation! But, the same situation applies to a divorce, or other challenges that disrupt the family dynamics!
A girl child, brought up in most families, is hardly ever encouraged to be independent, especially financially! It is, as though, at the back of most parents' mind, she'll be married some day, and her husband will take care of her! In rare cases and some family dynamics, a girl may get lucky and turn out independent!
So, first she is dependent on her father as a provider, and then she is dependent on her husband! And in the event of her provider's death, or divorce or changed circumstances, she is suddenly stranded! Can you imagine her helplessness, hopelessness, fear and anxiety at that point!!!
Growing up, some of these thoughts existed in my head. I do not have a brother, I am the older child, and apart from my father, there are all women in my family, most of them uneducated. I automatically assumed the responsibility of being my father's protege. He would take me to the bank, teach me about bank work. I was unofficially part of his business (Letter-writing, Documentation, Filing) since perhaps 9 yrs of age. His health being dicey, my predominant thought was, I would need to step into his 'provider' shoes, take on my family's responsibility!
I was financially independent 2004 - 2009. Then, I got married, to a businessman. Again, predominant thought...I need to be part of his business, just in case, you know, something goes wrong, and I need to step into his 'provider' shoes, to take on both home and financial responsibilities.
So, I was part of both of my providers' businesses, as an insurance of sorts, for the family! It felt comfortable and SETTLED!
Fly in the ointment!!! No personal financial independence and security! Then, in 2020, something drastically went wrong! From July 1st, I had to suddenly start to fend for myself and my immediate family! I was ill prepared!!! I ran a huge panic - mentally! I did not lack the skills for survival, but, I lacked the confidence, that comes from being financially independent and secure!
Thankfully, I had my music teaching going on, mostly as a hobby; it helped me survive that month; I ordered my head to postpone its panic, and gear for a head on battle! And I summoned all my survival skills, that I had learned, and prioritised my action plans.
The unpredictability of life, makes it imperative that, we plan for relevant contingencies! That is why we have different kinds of insurances, wills, nominees, etc. in place!
One such insurance that we need to plan and execute for our children's future, is to ensure that they are INDEPENDENT in all areas of their life!
Irrespective of their gender, we need to teach them - the basics of forming and maintaining loving relationships, equal respect and regard for both genders, finances, saving, appreciating what they have, life skills that will be relevant to them throughout their life, taking perspectives of others, not pandering to or encouraging gender biases and generalisations, but, equality and fairness, prepare them to be able to face challenges with confidence, and other such aspects that will truly empower them!
Things can change in an instant! Are we prepared? Have we prepared our children? And know, that...We ARE strong enough to handle life's challenges! But, when we are prepared and our children are prepared with the necessary survival skills, then, we don't just survive, we THRIVE!
SoulNotes to Self: Happiness is...being able to support yourself and be independent!
It has been a year, since, I have had to put my life back together! It has been a back-breaking year, but, I have survived!
My father's teachings, my education, my work experience were my skills that carried me through! I am grateful for all of these!
Of course, help also came in so many forms, thru' so many angels! I am truly humbled! And feel so blessed!
I have not just survived! I have thrived! I wish the same for you.
Love, from my soul to yours!
Soulful
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